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     AAAAAHHH MY VAGINA! I scream suddenly at the top of my lungs, my hands flying down
    to cover myself and press down on the area that burns like it s on fire to try and alleviate some of the
    pain.
     OH MY GOD DID YOU PULL MY CLIT OFF?! I yell at Stephanie in horror as she stands
    there holding the cloth strip that s full of hair and quite possibly my pleasure button.
     Sorry, I should have probably warned you I was going to do that but I find it s best not to warn
    someone for the first one because they ll just tense up and it will hurt worse, Stephanie explains
    with a happy smile as she turns and picks up another wax strip and dips the wooden stick into the hot
    wax.
     The first one is always the worst. Suck it up, bitch, Liz tells me from her chair.
    The next half hour doesn t go by quickly at all, and several times I have to stop myself from
    smacking Stephanie in her face. Liz must have sensed my desire to choke the poor woman and came
    up to the table to hold my arms down. Luckily, Stephanie redeemed herself by telling us horror
    stories about other women she s waxed: women getting their monthly visitor right in the middle of
    waxing or women having orgasms during the event. That right there boogers my mind but then I
    remember how much Drew liked it when I had to rip the pieces of tree bark off of his ass during  The
    Great Honey Adventure .
    One thing I can say about this whole thing is my ass has never looked better. When she had me
    up on all fours so she could get down in that area, she got a mirror for me. Let me just say, it s so
    smooth I kind of want to pet my own asshole. Liz keeps asking me if I want some alone time so I can
    finger my ass, and I think she's joking so I give Stephanie s mirror back to her before I get carried
    away.
    The only good part about this day is that I don t feel so self-conscious about myself anymore.
    Maybe this whole time I haven t really been worried about left-over baby fat; I ve been worried
    about my vagina being too furry. I really do feel a whole lot sexier knowing what s going on down
    there in my underwear right now. Once Stephanie could actually see my vagina, she had told me it
    was very nice. And since she s seen a lot of vaginas in her line of work, I trust her judgment.
    I m a little more confident now about talking to Drew as well and telling him what I need.
    Weird how a hairless vagina can do that for you. I m pretty excited to finally be honest with Drew
    and take my new vagina out for a spin. I wish it wasn t frowned upon to go without pants in public.
    Chapter 20  Who s on Goal, What s on Basket?
    Chapter 20  Who s on Goal, What s on Basket?
     So how good looking are we talking here? Like Chace Crawford hot or Penn Badgley hot?
    Carter asks me while we re packing up our work bags and getting ready to clock out for the night.
    Of course I tell my boys everything about the fucking home wrecker that moved in across the
    street. They know he s trying to move in on my territory and take over as hottest guy on the block.
    Oh, hell no! That position has been mine for four years. Plus, I don t like the way he looked at Jenny
    the other night. And she had made him cookies. COOKIES! She only makes cookies for me. Just
    like I m the only one who ever surprises her with little candy treats. Well, I used to do that. I guess
    I ve kind of forgot lately.
     Who the fuck are Chace Penn and Crawford Badgley? Jim asks as he walks with us towards
    the exit doors of the automotive plant.
     It s Chace Crawford and Penn Badgley. The two leading actors on Gossip Girl, I tell him.
     It s like you ve never even picked up an US Weekly. Live a little, Jim.
    We head out to the parking lot and make our way to our cars. I can t get the picture of Fuckson
    out of my head and the way he was so casually friendly with my wife.
     Oh, Jenny! Thank you so much for the cookies. I can t wait to eat your scrumptious cookies
    and then fuck you in the living room on a pile of cookies while your husband is at work, I say in a
    high pitched voice.
     Does he really sound like that? Because I gotta say, if he does, you have nothing to worry
    about, Carter tells me as we wave to a few other guys heading out to their cars.
     Well, it wasn t exactly like that. It was more like,  Mmmm, me like cookies. Me eat cookies
    all gone, I say in a deep, voice.
     So easy a caveman can do it, Jim says with a laugh.
     This is no laughing matter, Jim. I know I made a huge mistake when I had my dad trail Jenny [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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